So I've decided that since I'm on this site everyday reading other people's blogs that I might as well start writing an actual blog myself especially because I'm starting college in the fall and well, I'm going to need something to depend on.

Well, here we go. I'm going Eastern Connecticut State University in the fall.  I'm not very excited about it though.  Ever since I was young, like 9 or 10 I had wanted to go to a city like Boston or NYC, but I would've been fine as long as it wasn't this wretched state I hate so much, yes Connecticut.  It's not like I didn't get into good schools nor did I do badly in high school.  I always had between a 3.4 and a 4.0 with an average of about 3.6, which is fairly decent; although, I wish I had actually done my work and applied myself because I could've done sooo much better. There were only a few school applied to and the only one I was rejected from was the one in which I had not completed my application.  The schools I was admitted to were Bryant University, Roger Williams, quite obviously ECSU.  I didn't send in my transcripts and everything to Providence so it's apparent that I was not going to be accepted there.  I was wait-listed from Northeastern, but since I had applied Early Decision (which for those of you who don't know, means that if you are admitted to that school, you signed a contract during the application process that says you must attend that school) to Bryant University, I withdrew my application before they could accept or reject me.  You must be thinking then why in the hell are you going to ECSU where you don't want to be going.  Well, the only exception to breaking the contract is if you funds are insufficient and well, my family is in serious debt, like we might have to file for Chapter 13 which is bankruptcy, so the released me from the contract.  I received close to a full-ride to ECSU, I'm basically only paying for my meal plan.  Last week I took my placement tests for math and English; the English was just an essay discussing whether I believe I should be in the regular English class, or the English class that has "extra help" a.k.a. for the dumbass people who got accepted and don't know how to form a sentence.  The math section was on a computer.  I went in 45 minutes after most other people did, but with my luck I was in that small group of people who they just did not have enough computers for.  The first test was easy, it was elementary algebra, I scored a 96%, all of the ones I attempted I got right, I didn't do one of them because it took too long.  Passing the first test permits me to take the second test, which is college math, on which I got a 91%.  Basically, I got close to a perfect score.  I was the last person done because I was the last person in, so at the end of the test the moderator came over like he did for everyone.  He was expecting me to be another stupid girl for two reasons: the way I was dressed and the fact I was the last student in the room.  My attire was ripped loose jeans, gray plaid converse with little pink broken hearts in the squares, a plain white shit that I cut 80's style on the neck line, my hair was straight, and my make-up was really black around my eyes kind of like a preppy emo look, I know that sounds weird, but I'll do it again and take a picture and post it.  Anyways, this guy came over to me, expecting me to be way below the average, but you should've seen his face when he looked at my scores on the computer screen.  The main part of my major is going to be psychology, but he tried to convince me to become a math or engineering major. I laughed in his face and said, "sir, I hate math", I know what a shame, but I could never do numbers for a living.  But I am hoping that because I scored so well that they would pay the rest of my tuition, which would be awesome.

My major, like I said previously, is going to be based mainly on Psychology and Sociology as the core.  I’ve decided to take on the challenge of an Individualized Major.  So along with the core, I am going to be incorporating Social Work, Art, and Writing, and possibly music, if I am successful at teaching myself basic music theory.  I don’t know exactly what I’ll do with this yet, but the general plan is to start with Social Work after Grad School and then maybe Art, Poetry, and Music Therapy. I don’t know, but no matter what I end up doing I just want to make a mark in the world and change it, even if it’s not the world I change, I want to change the world for individuals because in the end those are the people who count. I haven’t had the best childhood; I have been on suicide watch multiple times and now I’m basically being forced to take medication.  But ironically, the only reason why I could never follow through on killing myself was because I knew there were people out there like or worse that I could help.  There already have been people like me that I’m working with and I hope that I have made a difference in their lives; slowly, I have noticed a change.  I wish I could save the world and embrace every broken soul.  Not to sound selfish, but it’s like my soul is empty if I’m not helping someone, that’s not the reason I do it; it’s more like I feel my purpose in life, is to give my life, heart, and soul to other people, fully and to the highest level of sincerity.  I want others to feel loved and unbroken; I do not want anyone to get to the level of loneliness and desperation that I have reached.

I don’t know, but I think I’m done for this post, I’ll probably be back tomorrow or over the weekend at some point.  :]

I'm stuck in a world of fantasies and nightmares and I can't escape to reality...

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